It's clear to me that all I seem to be able to do well when it comes to certain things is make a more convoluted mess, so I give it up.
I surrender.
Help! Faada God Help!
Your way or none
Monday, January 12, 2009
hang over
Woke up this morning with the consequences of the night weighing heavy on the mind. A marathon of thoughts and words stayed with me through the cycle of unconscious to conscious.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
intersections
I feel as if I could get carried away, lost in the things that surround me the most in any one of the ways I turn. If I simply keep my eye in that direction all will be fine. But my eyes have a tendency to wander far and wide to the unknown road and keep my interest highly piqued in all directions.
The roads are attractive, and have their pit falls, but each could be one that I happily trod, though some have more appeal than others. Right now though, I'm too confused about which one's full length appeals to me most, and am finding it easier to travel the full length of neither.
The roads are attractive, and have their pit falls, but each could be one that I happily trod, though some have more appeal than others. Right now though, I'm too confused about which one's full length appeals to me most, and am finding it easier to travel the full length of neither.
Friday, January 02, 2009
my heart strings
I'm in love.
I have been for a while now. It's an amazing feeling that has been topped by no other that came before or after it so far. Sometimes I wonder if such a deep love is a good thing.... if it's blasphemy for me to have such a strong love for something that is not God incarnate... and then I remember, God gave me this gift, both the one to love and the object of my love. So I feel free to sour in the many magical moments that occur as I indulge in my sincere love for music.
I have been for a while now. It's an amazing feeling that has been topped by no other that came before or after it so far. Sometimes I wonder if such a deep love is a good thing.... if it's blasphemy for me to have such a strong love for something that is not God incarnate... and then I remember, God gave me this gift, both the one to love and the object of my love. So I feel free to sour in the many magical moments that occur as I indulge in my sincere love for music.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
happy 2009
The new year has rolled around and we have lived to see it
Life's many years have come and gone and we've navigated through it
If we cherish every single day we'll be the better for it
Let's build a story every moment that'll make us proud to read it
Life's many years have come and gone and we've navigated through it
If we cherish every single day we'll be the better for it
Let's build a story every moment that'll make us proud to read it
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
give and get
How far does true forgiveness go?
I'll admit that I think I am a little blessed in the area of forgiveness. Over the years I have been more and more accepting of the fact that people fail... that I fail... all the time. More often than not, all I need is a little time and all is made well. The most amazing part, and this I owe completely to God, is that when I finally choose to forgive I am able to do it almost completely. But now I wonder...
It is often said that forgiving means forgetting, but forgetting means potentially making the same mistake again. We often tend to forgive but to say that we are 'learning from the experience' which is code for 'I forgive you, but I'm not trusting you in that area again'. In our minds, it is a necessary part of logical self-preservation... but is it really forgiveness?
You stole my pen and broke it. I forgive you, but I'm hiding my pens from now on...
You stole my heart and broke it. I forgive you, but I'm hiding my heart from now on...
A friend shared a quote with me yesterday and I immediately loved every word of it, believing it to be true. But later I realized that for anyone to have the experience that it speaks of, they would have had to truly, honestly forgive... forgive it all... wipe the slate clean, restore the trust and allow the forgiven the room to do it again the right way... even if the forgiven is thyself.
“Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole.”
- Derek Walcott
I'll admit that I think I am a little blessed in the area of forgiveness. Over the years I have been more and more accepting of the fact that people fail... that I fail... all the time. More often than not, all I need is a little time and all is made well. The most amazing part, and this I owe completely to God, is that when I finally choose to forgive I am able to do it almost completely. But now I wonder...
It is often said that forgiving means forgetting, but forgetting means potentially making the same mistake again. We often tend to forgive but to say that we are 'learning from the experience' which is code for 'I forgive you, but I'm not trusting you in that area again'. In our minds, it is a necessary part of logical self-preservation... but is it really forgiveness?
You stole my pen and broke it. I forgive you, but I'm hiding my pens from now on...
You stole my heart and broke it. I forgive you, but I'm hiding my heart from now on...
A friend shared a quote with me yesterday and I immediately loved every word of it, believing it to be true. But later I realized that for anyone to have the experience that it speaks of, they would have had to truly, honestly forgive... forgive it all... wipe the slate clean, restore the trust and allow the forgiven the room to do it again the right way... even if the forgiven is thyself.
“Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole.”
- Derek Walcott
inspired
'How can you live with the phenomenon of you, and still not know'
- Darlene Moreau, on believing in God.
Ignite your flame
- Darlene Moreau, on believing in God.
Ignite your flame
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
the love story
The longer I stay on the this earth the more I am convinced that love is a choice. Maybe not consciously when we have that initial spark of attraction, but definitely the perpetuation of it. I have had feelings of what I regard as intense love be replaced with something weaker because of a re-conditioning of my mind. I have also had feelings of love for a situation or person that was created in my mind but did not exist in actuality. If I can do that, then I can love practically anyone. The reality of the situation simply is that I don't want to.
There are certain characteristics that draw me, and I respond in like manner by dwelling on them. I think that what happens when I see these traits coming out in someone is a sparking of my mind to tell the rest of me that I love this experience. I love it, and I want more of it. And the more I indulge myself in the presence of the traits I love, the more I embody and thus love the person from which the traits flow. Now I may be the one who chooses the traits, but what I can't choose is who will have them.
Whose characteristics have you chosen to love? Can you love them all?
There are certain characteristics that draw me, and I respond in like manner by dwelling on them. I think that what happens when I see these traits coming out in someone is a sparking of my mind to tell the rest of me that I love this experience. I love it, and I want more of it. And the more I indulge myself in the presence of the traits I love, the more I embody and thus love the person from which the traits flow. Now I may be the one who chooses the traits, but what I can't choose is who will have them.
Whose characteristics have you chosen to love? Can you love them all?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
a heavy dose of Stu
Sometimes things happen that really make you stop and question. Why?
Fascinatingly, that question never entered my mind in this case. After the initial shock wore off, I was just grateful to have had the pleasure of knowing him. I always thought he had accomplished so much more than the average person in a short space of time. Even the Gleaner acknowledged this at the age of seventeen. I wrote about him in the R-lot as one of my 'other brothers' and I meant that. I grew up with him, watched him from tummy to diapers, played together constantly as children and teens and kept close as adults. I can't walk out on my balcony without thinking of him, or look at a string of Christmas lights and not feel something move in the pit of my stomach.
My reaction was severely delayed. It occurred just last night, and I suppose that release is the reason I am able to write it here this morning. I can't put into words how I feel, and in this rare instance, I'm not interested in trying.
My Stu Peas and Rice: Super-Nes, toy trains, hot wheels, bicycles, the little blue toy truck and Aunty Jeanie's grassy hill, karaoke, movie nights, Christmas lights, satellite sharing, the swing, the dogs, lizard eggs, the 'club house', home videos, baby keyboards, resident modeling announcer, surround sound systems, plane watching, morphing childhood dreams into realities: Concerts, Musicals, Crew, Choirs, Breighton Street, NJTM, EDI, Stage Manager, Lighting Manager, Technical Director, Actor, Writer, Producer, Composer, Pilot, Instructor. You did it all my friend, and the world will miss you.
Fascinatingly, that question never entered my mind in this case. After the initial shock wore off, I was just grateful to have had the pleasure of knowing him. I always thought he had accomplished so much more than the average person in a short space of time. Even the Gleaner acknowledged this at the age of seventeen. I wrote about him in the R-lot as one of my 'other brothers' and I meant that. I grew up with him, watched him from tummy to diapers, played together constantly as children and teens and kept close as adults. I can't walk out on my balcony without thinking of him, or look at a string of Christmas lights and not feel something move in the pit of my stomach.
My reaction was severely delayed. It occurred just last night, and I suppose that release is the reason I am able to write it here this morning. I can't put into words how I feel, and in this rare instance, I'm not interested in trying.
My Stu Peas and Rice: Super-Nes, toy trains, hot wheels, bicycles, the little blue toy truck and Aunty Jeanie's grassy hill, karaoke, movie nights, Christmas lights, satellite sharing, the swing, the dogs, lizard eggs, the 'club house', home videos, baby keyboards, resident modeling announcer, surround sound systems, plane watching, morphing childhood dreams into realities: Concerts, Musicals, Crew, Choirs, Breighton Street, NJTM, EDI, Stage Manager, Lighting Manager, Technical Director, Actor, Writer, Producer, Composer, Pilot, Instructor. You did it all my friend, and the world will miss you.
Love you always
"Rae Rae... from fores' way"
aka "Aisharay"
Stuart Gordon Brown
July 3, 1983 - December 6, 2008
The world would not have been ready for his greatness.
July 3, 1983 - December 6, 2008
The world would not have been ready for his greatness.
Monday, December 01, 2008
responsibility-free
There's a little toy lying in the middle of the room that everyone likes to play with, but no one wants to own.
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