ten.ten.five

my tongue sometimes has a mind of its own
my eyes can communicate at times, louder than my lips
my brain appears to be ambidextrous... er, or ambi-brenu-ous(?)
my most prominent sense is that of humour
insanity runs deep in the veins of my family
so does laughing from the belly-bottom up and out
I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve, they are often tattooed to my face
a single scent can transport me far away from my body
my muscles will ache for want of kneading
my joints will ache for want of warmth

my scalp has become sensitive and so I'm protective of it
the same with my heart
my neck was kissed by God and has a hickey to prove it
my eyes love to see themselves
my face, not so much
my fingers have a thing for other fingers
I thoroughly enjoy human pillows
my mind likes to see its thoughts worded on a screen or page
my earlobes like earrings but prefer to remain whole and free for nibbling
my lips enjoy blowing into fleshy parts, mimicking gastric noises

my mood swings to extremes, my emotions ride roller coasters
and some times we all thoroughly enjoy the ride
my feet enjoy walking bare on cold grass and warm backs
my voice rides on strong decibels unequal to my stature
my heart and mind often wrestle for decision rights

tag. your turn.

provoking

why is it that when red rivers flow,
the trumpets start to blow?

view master

Staring into the flashing images of the mind's eye
as the scenes change with each life option that is proposed.
Inside this space is a glimpse into a completely different future
based on those small decisions over which we deliberate today.

excite createment

I would say I am a bit of an excitement junkie. Whatever form it takes, I need it in my life. Too much of the same lows bore me and I'll need something to change, something to get my adrenaline pumping.

Fortunately for me, I get excited over the least little things. Planned excitement has its place, but I find that practically any amount of spontaneity is enough to feed my craving.

Right now... I think I'll go for a jog oooooo or a swim! :)

boomerang

Can we really handle all we ask for?
Those things we pine and plead for,
would we turn and run if we finally got it?

Life comes with it's own sense of irony.
It's timing is never our timing.

We seem to finally get what we want right when we are OK not having it.
Once we have made up our minds to do without it...
there it comes, falling into our laps, resting on our tummys.

We've heard the words over and over, but maybe some heeding is needed...
'be careful what you wish for'
you just might get it, and then some...

my ex is mine

Everyone should already know about the unwritten rule that we (girls especially) had in high school.

You can't date the ex of one of your friends.

This was not to say that it didn't happen, but in the cases that it did, whether you liked it or not, most people would not think very highly of the female who decided to break it.

We found that it even extended further than just dating. If your friend were to come and say she is interested in a certain guy before you had a chance to express the same interest, you may find yourself in a bit of tickle. However, if the guy showed no interest in your friend, but showed interest in you, a little consulting and consent from said friend may see you well on your way to dating that boy.

In high school, I endorsed these little rules blindly, 100%. Your friends over any man, any day.

As adulthood creeped in, so did the process of analyzing the very rules we accepted blindly as children.

Adult dating is a more serious affair. It could be the stepping stone to a lifelong partnership. That said, there is considerably more emotion thrown into it and more hope and potential piled on to it. If it doesn't work, it also has a much larger chance of longer term scarring if you had been giving it your all... so it would almost seem like the rule should apply even more, but then that may leave quite a few potential wives and husbands in the untouchable pool.

My opinion on the matter, your ex is not your own.

Firstly, this is a living, thinking, breathing human being we are talking about... not a pot. He/she is not an inanimate object to own and control.

Secondly, if you had the fortunate opportunity of dating someone and realizing before you married them that, for whatever reason, this person is not for you, why hold on to them like property? Now friendship may dictate a period of mourning, and people need to be smart about it as well, no one wants to end up being 'a rebound'... but after that period, and especially if neither you or the person are interested in a second attempt... let it go.

It was a very wise best friend who once told me during my whining about an ex... 'get over yourself!' ...and she was absolutely right.

If we think that being a good friend is staying away from another friend's ex out of courtesy, then why don't we also think that being a good friend is seeing a friend find happiness where we could not.

My ex is not mine.

hurdles

trust
a hard thing to gain once it has been lost.

inaudible

What I want to express is too subtle to bear the weight of words. It almost has no voice of its own... just a low humming whisper on the inside, peaking out through a look, or even a slight change in the face. The chance to articulate it is almost instantaneous, usually synchronized with a moment that directly enhances its feeling, but if not capitalized immediately, fades back into the background hum of my mind.

rocks and cliffs

one is impossible
one is very painful
Is this to be it Lord?
or shall You make me wings?

kindred

This entire weekend was devoted to communication in one form or another. It seemed fitting that it would be highlighted by an event of sharing centred around food and friendship.

It's been over ten years (wow!) and the bonds that were formed on that spine by the chem department are still stretched tight and held strong by years of experiences and shared journeys. We sat at the table, sharing a few, and learning a few more. It was a celebration of the life of someone cherished and dear to us made possible by someone cherished and dear to them.

As I sat there I took in the faces of the those around me... some closer than others, some newer than others. I felt blessed to have been tied to these people somehow. I don't know how we got drawn together, or what initial decisions we must have made to have led us to where we are today, or how close we may have come to missing it all. I don't know what another path would have looked like, but right there, hearing the stories, reliving the moments, watching new bonds form, I was grateful for that path... for this path. I was grateful for the people. I was grateful for the impact they have had on me and the person I am because of them.

Yup, I love my friends!

Happy Birthday D!

worship

I decided to sleep in that morning. I knew there would be speculation and possibly even judgment passed on my decision, but I didn't care. God and I were fighting, and I was not about to go into a room filled with people whose expectations of what my demeanor should be way exceeded what they would have witnessed. I didn't want to put on a game face. I abhor the very fact that I would feel compelled to do it in a place where putting on a show should be the last thing on my mind.

What I needed was time alone with God. I needed to talk to Him real and raw, and I needed to do it on my terms.

That conversation is far from over.

interface

A friend and I sat in a low lit parking area talking for what seemed like a few minutes but what was in reality very many hours. A deep release of inner thought and feeling that felt afterward like a river had broken through a rock resulting in a beautifully cascading waterfall. The time was draining and fulfilling all at once. These sessions are always perfect for releasing energy, clearing the spirit, and clarifying the air. No resolution was found. No resolution was being sought. It was simply a time of sharing, and a deepening of understanding.

fuse

there are times when just the right type of affection is able to disarm the explosive lion waiting to bite the nearest person's head off.

restraining

tonight I wanted you
I wanted you to be more
I wanted you to hear more
I wanted to say more
I wanted you to know more
I wanted to be there more
I wanted to show you more
...but I did not, I could not,
I fought myself more
and won.

solitude

I find that when I'm filled with certain types of emotions I prefer not to speak about what I'm feeling, or rather, I prefer not to be asked to speak about what I'm feeling or about anything pertaining to what got me emotional in the first place. I'll speak, when I'm ready, which is usually not when someone else is ready to ask, and since I seem to wear my emotion all over me, I can't seem to avoid the questioning... so I end up avoiding the curious.

silence

There are times I wished I didn't have to speak words to communicate,
when you would just know what I'm feeling
and know what I need

transforming traits

Give me already made
but used to exhaustion
ready to be tossed
ready to be changed

give me crushed,
banged and bruised
messy and dirty
disheveled and untidy

give me an expensive project
with limited resources & chaos

and I may take it and mold it
reshape it and build it
organize it, straighten it
fix it and rearrange it

watch me get all excited
about making it efficient
presentable, enjoyable,
functional and beautiful

I'll fall in love with finding a solution
using my creativity and getting order.

It's a trait that I have
an odd passion I possess
that makes me love strange activities
like making art out of mundane things
redesigning an existing interior
cleaning up a long-messed space
straightening the crushes in clothes
using over-played music to create a new story
pulling a new audience experience out of an old one
doing a major project with minimal material
and seeing great potential in what others may consider garbage

disclaimer: this applies to mostly physical things and not the madness of someone's mind for example, so no, work does not apply.

music library

There is something very special about carefully selecting and creating my very own collection of mood boosters that set the tone for many hours of traveling.

avalanche

This thing is spiraling out of control and I am powerless to stop it. What was once devoid of any real thing worth fighting for is now rammed full of too many important parts of a large and complicated equation that I can't keep it all straight. Figures, names, dates, places, events, dangers, deadlines bounce around in my head like they were released by tens of jugglers, banging against my temples. Each time I think I'm back in control, something tips the whole hillside tumbling down again.

Vacation anyone?

half full

sitting here in silence, the feeling of you hit, right here, strong, as if you were here, next to me...
this empty space filled instantly with you, memories of you, your sound, your feel, the way you make me feel, your smile, yielding my smile

this filled space, is instantly emptied, expanded, making room for more, refilled and filled again, an appetite insatiable for you, more of you, the joy of you, you overflowing... never-ending