crash

We are quick to judge people,
quick to tell them what they should do,
quick to think less of them when they don't...

and then something happens,
you make the same decision
for which you once chastised someone else
and you finally see them and you
for what you all are...
human.

down in my heart, where?

she's been moody lately.
no, not in a bad mood,
just more subdued than she is known for.

her bright smile was the norm
and annoyance the exception,
but more and more the table turned
annoyance her norm,
and her bright smile the exception.

she's been trying,
trying all year and more
to grasp the joy she used to have.
true joy,
not just a smile that fades in an instant,
the one that radiates from deep down,
shines through more than the mouth
radiates through the eyes...
but the more she searched herself
the more elusive her joy became,
and the more discouraged she got.

then she remembered
one important fact.

joy doesn't come from her,
so she could never find it there.
it comes from God.

the instant she remembered where to look
she found it.

kindred spirits

For whatever reason, there are some people in our life that, no matter what direction or path our lives take, we remain connected. Thank God for them!

De-boned chicken breast, $250
Fish chunks (with scales), $130
Enough seasoning to cry your eyes out, $100
An afternoon of cooking and chatting, Priceless

passions pursued

Ink on a page, words on a screen,
my thoughts expressed in prose:
just something I discovered I'm good at,
a nurtured talent I suppose...

chalk on paper, paint on canvas
graphite-formed images, flowing yet still:
this was present from the very beginning,
a passion I possess, and always will...

movement to music, synchronized motion,
open floor calling like a flower beckons a bee:
creative development in early child stages
helped to mold this desire in me...

notation on a page made alive with sound,
the melodic movement of harmony to ear:
an instrument loved and played quite late,
two others, not yet mastered, but almost there...

a world beneath the surface;
muffled sounds, air lost, vision vast and wide:
a breathtaking beauty that hijacked my heart
and saw my career path change with the tide...

an instant frozen on glossy paper,
a new perspective, creativity on the fly:
spurred from a desire to capture a moment,
or have someone else see through my eye...

my passions all seem to be geared toward art,
and I have a knack for things with my hands,
for beading, and sewing, and painting, and drawing,
for sorting, and molding, and playing with bands...
and yet in the sciences I seem to excel;
in logic puzzles and numbers an interest stands.
I'm a crazy mix of colour and reason,
like a canvas made of diverse strands.

burdened

no more than we can bear...

then why do my emotions lose control;
why do my eyes not hold in the flood;
why does the pain, the guilt, the regret
feel so unbearable;
why do my muscles ache from strain;
why does this baggage weigh me down;
why do I feel so helpless?

ambition

I have realized that my life is in a constant state of hope.

My mind refuses to focus on the things happening this instant, and instead chooses to constantly look beyond to the second whose fate has not yet been determined.

I am the most excited when I allow it to run far ahead of me, but I often have to hold it back for the sake of actually getting things accomplished.

reiterated

People suck.

routes of love

A group
of friends
who love
each other's
company,
share
the most intimate
life details:
treasured moments
reflected from
glass teardrops,
resounding
from decibels
of laughter.
Pairs form,
bonds tighten,
attractions build
a deeper yearning
to simply be
in their presence.
But friends always
they remain,
for the greatest
friendship
does not
always translate
into the greatest
relationship
if
each faces
an opposing
direction.

painted faces

That thing that is you
that thing that lives inside the face of you
is the true dimension;
the pure essence of the person you display,
and yet it is known so differently to different people,
like colourful sides of a painted polygon
... each side as real as the other
but very few have seen them all.

no more what?

drama.

this thing used to plague my life and I thought I hated every minute of it.

all this emotional upheaval and ongoing trials...

but without any of these I would not know the major successes;
the emotional extremes that are so much a part of who I am;
the relief and release of things working out... or not working out.

truth is
without drama
my life
would be
boring.

bring it on.

product of the unseen

Every little detail,
every decision made,
each and every minute choice,
forms a path in the sculpture's clay.
Every shiver of the hand,
every flick of the wrist,
each and every move that's made
results in a different kind of twist.

They can't be repeated,
duplication impossible,
the factors that led here...
re-occurrence improbable,
and every single wish to change
even a fraction of the tiniest moment
will result in a future
far different from the present.

Today is a product of all that has past,
and circumstance... this very instant...
lasts forever, though fades so fast.
Seconds of time tick steadily away
and good or bad, forgotten or remembered,
foolishly wasted or wisely used
they have all collectively
transformed into you.

perception obsolete

A victim of a mind trapped in a past time
having an expectation leading to frustration.
Outdated hidden images, a mind's rustic pages,
requires full updating; a different understanding.

Take the distance that you now see,
multiply it by a factor of three.
Redefine the words you used
to once describe the ones you choose
to keep in the space of your mind
and then, only then, will you find
that the disappointment you consistently suffer
will begin to lessen and be buffered
by the logic of change that is so constant
...constant!... and yet the mind is so scant
in its dose of this factor, it continues to hold
to a previous mold.

Force it to accept the inevitability,
and feed it with reality.

three sixty

It came full circle.

After all the up and down;
the violent and vigorous side to side;
the indecision, the bad decisions;
serenity & sinks; papers soaked in ink;
fists against walls; voices down halls;
frustration and jubilation
it all ends up right here...
right where it all began.

conflicts

There's a constant conflict
between that voice in my head
and my thoughts born out of
determination to ignore it.

'He drowns in his dreams,
An exquisite extreme I know.
He’s as damned as he seems,
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
my whole world could cave in.
It just ain’t right, Lord It just ain’t right...

He's magic and myth,
as strong as what I believe;
A tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see;
But do I try to change him?
It's so hard not to blame him...

Oh but I don’t know,
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful...
such a beautiful disaster,
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter,
Lord, would it be beautiful,
Or just a beautiful disaster?'

Taken from Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson

scale

It's amazing that you can go through so much upheaval on one hand,
and yet have so much to sm:)e about on the other.

fragile

The problem with a friendship built on fragile ground is that it is likely to crack under the weight of human emotion, causing the whole thing to collapse at any time.

'...you're my firm foundation. I know I can stand secure'

buried

You trick yourself into thinking
it will go away if you hide it
if only no one will bring it up,
it will cease to exist...
but you stand like an ostrich
with your head buried deep in dung
not realizing your dream of peace
will never be fulfilled...
for ‘he who hides the wrong he does,
does the wrong thing still’.

vomit

the involuntary rejection of unwanted matter;
the purging of that which does not belong;
the desire to drip every drop of darkness out
leaving pools of refuse on the floor

shrouded

When you live your life in a system created by the devil you will find it tainted with what we describe as human instinct. The ability to lie, cheat, steal, injure, kill and ultimately to hate is the balance that makes the coin exist. The inability to recognize this for what it is, is the trap that many of us fall into and are swallowed whole; the one thing that tips the balance in the wrong direction.

infected

pierced by the needle holding your infection
spread through my blood like a raging river
disguised as a vitamin desired for improvement
but improving only the lies being fed to the mind.

life-changing decisions made at the time
based on a false reality laid on the table
hope of a future brighter than the past
the actual brightness slipping with each façade…

the infection drives its course
revealing itself for the stink it is
causing damage too far gone to improve
too deep rooted to even be detected

cleansing of the diseases manifesting slowly
but the inability to cure that which is yet unknown
leaves an infection silently incubating
rotting away at my core.

write-off

When is it enough...
When is that thought that keeps the pen in motion
allowed to give way to others more important than itself;
At what point is the therapy complete,
the ritual over, the pages too full;
Why can't that thing that stains my mind
be bled out by the ink that stains the page;
Why can't I write it out and write it away?

flipside

I suppose I should be grateful.

For it is far better to have more passions in this life than time will allow pursuit, than to have no passions at all.

spill the yoke

I don't want an update on the things that happened in your day.
I won't give an update on the things that happened in mine.
Instead of speaking from without,
I wish to express from within.

I feel...

I feel disturbed and saddened by the belief that people I really care about are slipping away. I feel troubled that people I thought I knew well would prefer to express what they think I want to hear rather than what's really going on. I feel elated and excited about the newness of other things entering my life. I feel slightly nervous about some of the things that make me so excited. I feel tied down... bonded is the perfect word... to the routine of the rest of the working world which I feel I am finally becoming a serious member of, but then I feel set free to plan long-term goals. I feel apprehensive because I believe this stage of my life to be critical in determining where I will end up and I don't want to make the wrong choices. But then I feel as if I am making too much out of small things and creating needless worry. I feel restless. I feel the need to express my feelings.

You feelin' me?

Then let me feel you.

insomnia

I love the loneliness of the night
the quietness of the darkness
the coolness of the air
the clarity of my mind...

but it comes at a high price,
a penalty of fatigue.

incomplete

You're like a bright little shining star
whose brightest moment is at the beginning...

That first chapter is a 'must read',
a mind teaser, a crowd pleaser.

Like a sprinter,
you possess the gift of a powerful start
with anything you set your mind on.
You strive for it with intense passion,
deep focus, and unmatched energy.

Until...

until the distance is longer than your passion can take you
until the book demands more than a great first chapter
until the task requires a full and proper ending
until the little star burns brighter than it can be sustained
until you get distracted and simply walk away.

You're great at saying hello...
but you're horrible at goodbye.

words of weight

You can see someone for years and not know them.

But when you write you release yourself,
you get your inside pouring outside
marking the pages and screens on which it falls
giving your reader a taste of something
they never knew existed within you.

When you write you free yourself from the burden
of hearing your voice make your thoughts real.
You speak your heart out in silence.
Without parting a single lip or uttering a single word,
you show yourself to only those who care to see.

You can know someone for years and not see them.

disobedient pair

You speak out of turn and before you are told,
you are impatient and for that you will pay.

You race ahead before the mind has time to assess the situation and quickly put yourself and everyone else at risk.

You hesitate to say what is truly to be said,
and then blurt out that which is to be kept within.

You sometimes seek to please those who will hear you,
instead of being true to he who controls you.


You have much to learn,
you pair of naughty lips.

frame in pause

scenes move in fast forward around a body in pause, watching from the centre, waiting for something...

needing some force to jolt it into reality and get it moving with the pace, streaming with life.

cree

I smile
wrapped in a towel after a long shower
where the day's cares were gently washed away.
No rush.
A time to relax,
listen,
remember
childhood places.

'You are the highlight of my day...'
-Benjamin Costello

pressure cooker

It rubs me wrong, but I let it pass...
no energy to waste on that today.
I get annoyed but keep it in...
no words to waste on that today.

But when frustration builds to peak
and there's no more holding back,
All energy is spent on the release
as my body involuntarily cracks...

they run from my eyes down angry cheeks
and I hate the way they feel.
Don't mistake them for hurt and baby me,
I'm just releasing steam.

masked

A disappointment.

Many remedies tried and failed;
A problem perpetuated; a
Search for a cure or a cover, but
Knowledge of none yet successful.

Frustration felt within, that
Overrides hope; a portion of
Radiance starting to fade.

A struggle

Facing forever in a flawed shell,
A constant distraction from that beneath, a
Continuous struggle with an
External reflection.

touched by your words

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

'A Dream Within A Dream' - Edgar Allan Poe

falling short of forever

I heard from you today,
a reminder of time well spent,
of long conversations about everything and nothing,
of meaningful fights and healthy reconciliation.

I heard about you today,
a reminder of results of complacency,
of growing silence and short goodbyes,
of how easily strong relationships can weaken
if you let them.

midnight

Under the midnight's sky,
engulfed in the darkness of the absence of the moon,
the music of the night in full orchestration,
my mind as blank as the canvas before me...
my feet barely find their way to the crater's edge
over which I willingly plunge,
knowing that you'll always be there to catch me.

image effect

Everyone is beautiful
...in the right light.

engulfed

It's difficult to stay afloat when you desire to be beneath the surface.

yearning

my mind and heart are constantly one step ahead of my reality.

renewed

In a little quiet corner of an empty Chinese restaurant, we sit and exchange laughs, looks and lives. A time stolen to reach beneath the surface and fill the spaces of our knowledge of each other.

It's a cyclical pattern, this life of mine. It's good to de-rail, get completely lost, and find myself again.

Thanks babe.

dual

It's not the flowers or the poems,
the never-ending drama stories,
compromises or disagreements...
not the Kodak moments or cuddles,
late night long goodbyes or butterflies...
not the insecurities or reassurances
fights, spites, kisses or misses...
but the constant knowledge of companionship,
a comfort of being carried in another's thoughts.

higher than high

Your legs move, driven only by the pulsing sound of the system that drives your heartbeat. Your body is tired, but you just can't stop. Not now. Not yet.

Too much excitement to release. Too much intensity building. An overwhelming connection with strangers who possibly have nothing else in common, but their love for music; their love for soca.

roaring

I can tell you're not sad anymore
from the way your lips move
and the tears streaming from your eyes

I can tell you're not depressed anymore
from the lines in your face
and the sounds of your sighs

I can tell you're not angry anymore
from the forceful sounds you emit
and the way your voice cries

I can tell your spirit is lifted
because you laugh hard with me

the slightest chance

It is the unknown that keeps us going...

a hope that the time we have not yet met
will be different... better
than that we have already left behind;
that our circumstances will change;
that we'll impact someone somewhere;
that some things we hold dear
will continue to keep our interest,
and that we too will continue
to keep the interest of those we love;
that we'll someday live in a moment of peace;
that people can in fact change;
that we too can change... for the better.

stages

I walked to the tree and stared at its greatness. It intrigued me and I wanted to be a part of it. I started at the bottom and made my way up, slowly and steadily, enjoying the climb, enjoying the view.

As I got higher I started to appreciate what made the tree so great, but was also high enough and close enough to see its flaws. The higher I got, the more acclimated I became, the more the novelty wore off.

I've made it to the top of the highest leaf, and though the branches sway, and the leaves shed and change, there is no higher to go. But I miss climbing and I miss the challenge the tree once presented ... and so, unwilling as I am, I must leave the high branches of this explored niche, and find another to climb.

my lullaby

my green lullaby
soothing me to sleep
as the leaves gently sway
in the breeze of a hot summer day

my green lullaby
blades tall and slender
caress my face
and leave their scent
as I lay starring at the sky

my green lullaby
fading into the distant
slowly drowned out
by noise of sharp blades
by concrete, steel, and ply

my green lullaby
faded and worn but not fully gone
sitting on the inside
of a precious little seed
waiting to be set free

forever friday

I looked forward to you...
that time of bliss at the end of a busy week,
to the things you held for me to do
the places you had waiting for me to see,
there was never a dull one,
for though many were spent inside
they were hardly ever spent alone.

Now I still look forward to you,
to the end of a less busy week,
to the potential things for me to do,
the people for me to see,
but far too often, nothing happens
and you simply become like any other day.

to the inside

Their understanding is sought,
but it is not needed.

You appear different from the outside,
but you open up, and I fall in...
deep into piles of logic
layered in a mass of confused thoughts.
The further I go, the darker it seems,
the more I mis-understand...
and yet the more I understand my misunderstanding.
I am far too deep to think of you otherwise,
to know you as others know you...
from the outside.

There is loneliness that comes with my knowledge...
loneliness, that you share far greater than mine,
for though I have fallen far,
it is not far enough
and possibly will never be.
You stand alone then,
accepting that you are possibly the only one
that can fully understand the core of you.

My understanding is sought,
but it is not needed.

and yet

So many paths that could be taken
so many mistakes not easily shaken
so many steps in the wrong direction
and still I end up here...

in a place where life is beautiful
where I can still smile and feel peaceful
where suns rise and days are hopeful
and you are always near

one on one

It is absolutely amazing how much you can learn...
how deep you can get...
how close you can feel...
how much you can appreciate someone
when you spend a little quality time alone with them.

1/4 tank of gas - $500
split meal - $300/each
phone call - $50
instant bonding - priceless

swinging

somewhere in the transitions
something got misplaced
and hasn't been recovered

a bit of happiness hiding away
missing from that place it should be
buried beneath baggage

new routines of self withdrawal
destroy the very interaction
on which one once thrived...

a swinging pendulum of emotional extremes

consumed

turn the lights off
leave me in the dark
where I wish to be
sitting alone
in the centre
of the empty room

turn the volume down
leave me in silence
untouched by the screaming,
calling, aching sounds
of the echoing world
around me

simple matters

no matter where we are in life
no matter how far apart
no matter how long we last spoke
no matter how big the fight
no matter what we did last

no matter how late it is
no matter the topic of discussion
no matter the err of my ways
no matter the price of the call
nothing matters more
than the safety I feel with you.

room for more

it's funny how this missing goes.
at first you arrive, and heaven knows
all you can think about is what you left.

little time to appreciate what is there
you just long to return to the place where
you once laid your head and felt at home.

but silently and slowly that place you are
becomes part of you, like the one afar
that you claim you miss with all your heart...

until you return to that original place
and realize there's still an empty space
for the place you were so eager to leave.

it's funny how this missing goes...

seeking sadness sufferers

There are many crippling emotions, and guilt used to be at the top of my list. But I've come to realize that nothing causes pain more than disappointment. Eight out of ten times that sadness sweeps over me, it is a direct result of that pesky D-word. And if most people really think about it, they will realize they often say 'sad' when they are in reality disappointed.

Like it or not, human interactions make or break us, and though it is highly possible to disappoint yourself, it's usually others who do the job for you. People are unpredictable. Experience soon teaches our minds to leave room for the unexpected, both pleasant and painful, but there never seems to be room enough.

But now there is help.

Disappointment cannot be cured, but it can be controlled. The least disappointing relationships are the ones that have an essential ingredient that both parties utilize equally well. It's called CHC: Consistently Honest Communication, and it works.

Yes, there's love and trust and all that other great stuff, but see how easily those break down when CHC is missing. CHC is not sold in stores, and is only available once offered and used. So go ahead. Try some. You could use some spice in your life.

~ 'Life is relationships, everything else is detail' ~

CHC is right for everyone, but side effects may vary. CHC does not control all types of disappointment and is most effective if used by everyone. If consistent disappointment occurs, consult your psychiatrist. This product is animal tested.

time after time

you started with two

you held within you many things,
trials you saw in fair share,
and some major triumphs.

a new place you explored:
new culture, new language, new family,
an experience never forgotten.

a first you witnessed:
a deep chemical sleep,
the replacement of natural with artificial.

a transition you endured:
movement of one level to the next,
the end of a struggle, immense relief.

two huge success stories!

a return you observed:
an acclimation to a place already familiar,
a re-adjustment of new into old.

you ended with one

cascades of escapades,
an almost balanced mix,
that was you... 2006