green grass syndrome

Time makes everything green again.

You could have been having the worst time in the world, anxious to get away from all the stresses and bothers, and yet. Sure, there are things you will miss, but everything just weighs down on you and you just can't wait to leave. Oh to get to that green pasture on the other side of your mind. The freedoms and joys that await you there are endless. The excitement of something new. A new day. A new dawn. Or a return to something you just can't wait to be back to.

We are actually very unkind to ourselves when we filter our thoughts or our memories and keep the good parts. It's something people tell us to do all the time. Forget the bad, remember the good in people, in places, in things. But when we do that, we create a false reality in our heads of something that was better than it really was when we were experiencing it. And that can be dangerous when we end up longing for that memory.

Now there are legitimate times when things were better than they are now, and it wasn't just a figment of your imagination, but the point is that every situation has stress. I am number one for living in any time and place but the present. Unless I am outright having a great time, my mind either rewinds or fast forwards until it hits some green. But I'm slowly yanking myself out of that false reality syndrome so that I can finally condition myself to appreciate everything rather than constantly switching my mind to another time zone.

Brown is the new green.

categorically speaking

I put people into boxes
because I find they are safe there.

Yes I have an independent front,
most of us do.
But I'm dependent
on quite a number of people
for quite a number of things
and my emotional compass
is better able to navigate
with categories.

I have a best friend,
that speaks for itself.
I have a close circle
with various people
on various spots
in the concentric rings
around the centre

and then there is the periphery.

It's hard to say
that no one person
is more important than the other
because distance from the source
is often inversely proportional
to potential energy...
the potential to create trust
and thus to create loss
that drives the fear
of pulling more
into the middle.

you,
sitting there reading this
are in a category...
and your distance from the source
is determined by my interpretation
of your ability to handle that potential energy.

acrophobia

stay on the plain so there's nowhere to fall
or climb up those elephants and risk it all?

what if I'm already three-quarters the way up?

my feng shui

the clutter needs clearing.
simplicity required.

down the middle

I belong to October, the month with the balance. I feel right at home in the curve of its metal scale, but my scale is only in balance because I hang at two extremes.

You're either here or you're not, me there or I'm not, it's either fair or it's not, ice cold or steam hot. I don't do half.

It's either all or it's none, interest high or it's gone, working hard or I'm done, clothed in misery or in fun. I don't do middle.

Yet there it is, kept in perfect form by equally heavy ends on either side.

quote sharing

"He who cannot forgive others burns the bridge over which he himself must pass."
—Herbert

starlight

God has blessed us with unique individuals on this planet who brighten an entire day by virtue of their presence alone.

happy october

Yup, it is that time of year again,
when rain falls often and cleanses the Earth
and the best people in the world celebrate their birth :)

Happy October to all!

a mobile

my mind betrays itself constantly, boasting pride in knowing the inner workings of the person in which it sits, and yet is surprised regularly by thoughts that seem to cause it to contradict itself... or does it? A change in stance is not necessarily a contradiction, but the change occurs so rapidly that it definitely appears that way, even to he who sits on the inside looking out.

I am moving away from the person I once was. But I happen to have liked the person I once was. I can try to fight and beat and futilely scratch my way backwards, or I can just accept that every day brings new knowledge and knowledge brings growth and growth, change. The only thing I can control is how I display all this.

'Everything's changing, when I turn around, all out of my control, I'm a mobile...'
-Avril Lavigne

withdraw

here I am
taking advice
starring at the blank page
wanting to write
letting it go,
typing it slow
leaking my thoughts out

it is that time
when low is lower
high is medium
pain is daily
and sleepy eyes gaze
starring far out
but yearning to go in
to close the lid,
and shut the world out

this tired tongue
cannot explain
and delegates the task
to these wanting fingers
who, try as they might,
find themselves still unable
to fully express and
make anyone understand