a mobile

my mind betrays itself constantly, boasting pride in knowing the inner workings of the person in which it sits, and yet is surprised regularly by thoughts that seem to cause it to contradict itself... or does it? A change in stance is not necessarily a contradiction, but the change occurs so rapidly that it definitely appears that way, even to he who sits on the inside looking out.

I am moving away from the person I once was. But I happen to have liked the person I once was. I can try to fight and beat and futilely scratch my way backwards, or I can just accept that every day brings new knowledge and knowledge brings growth and growth, change. The only thing I can control is how I display all this.

'Everything's changing, when I turn around, all out of my control, I'm a mobile...'
-Avril Lavigne

withdraw

here I am
taking advice
starring at the blank page
wanting to write
letting it go,
typing it slow
leaking my thoughts out

it is that time
when low is lower
high is medium
pain is daily
and sleepy eyes gaze
starring far out
but yearning to go in
to close the lid,
and shut the world out

this tired tongue
cannot explain
and delegates the task
to these wanting fingers
who, try as they might,
find themselves still unable
to fully express and
make anyone understand

unending layers

strip off that dreaded mask and show me your face
raw and wounded, sickening and frightening

now strip off that one and keep going...

timely decisions

I had a friend tell me once after I revealed to her my interest in a certain young man that she thought we were perfect for each other, but not now. The concept of that was interesting to me. She thought we were the type that would grow old together, but that we'd spoil it if we got together too soon. I can't say if she was right or wrong, but I can say that, great as the relationship was, it suffered from a series of ill-timed events.

I'm indecisive when I'm ready, often tossing two or more ideas around like a juggler at a circus for a great length of time before I grab one and finally let the others fall. I've realized that with all my juggling matches the ball of time is a choice all on its own: I can do one thing, another thing, or nothing and wait it out.

We're always afraid of that last one, and even forget that it exists as a choice, because we never know when waiting it out means watching the opportunity completely pass us by. On the other hand, we never know if we're spoiling a great thing by grabbing after it sooner than its time.

privately pleasing

droplets of the cleansing sky cutting air like swords,
brilliant peaceful silence soars beneath the flock of birds,
scents of things familiar still stampeding in like herds,
result in a gently smiling face replacing all the words.

ground roots

'...anything that puts up shoots faster than it puts down roots is fragile and in danger of breaking, falling, or dying.' - ODB Daily Devotional 05/09/08

I love that quote. I love it because it applies to so many things in our lives. Our job, our talents, our personalities, our relationships (with God and man), our houses & buildings, everything. A firm foundation is so necessary for maintaining stability.

I was having a reminiscent conversation with a friend the other day and I was reminded of our beginnings. We have been through quite a lot in our relatively short lives and have come out closer and stronger because of it. Why? I believe our beginning has something to do with it. We spent quite a lot of time getting into the heart of each other, knowing the 'nitty-gritty' of each other, understanding our motivations, dislikes and likes and how to genuinely handle each other. By the time people saw us together it's like we had been friends from we were two, but we weren't, we just took the time to grow our roots, and let me tell you, they didn't grow overnight. It's a critical element in any solid friendship, in any solid career, in any solid family. The shoots are all the flairs that people see, but they won't last long, remain beautiful, or withstand great stress without a fully grown and deep rooted foundation.

illusion

I thought I saw you today
my heart flung from my chest and my focus did a double take
I had formed your face in my mind
... only in my mind
it was not you
it can never be you ever again

miss you mOo

feature song: pirate bones

From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive

Song lyrics | Pirate Bones

high notes

weightless, yet bearing the heaviest weight... untouchable, yet touching universal hearts

There's nothing else I'm willing to try that gives me the same natural high of music. Powerful, yet not addictive. God is incredibly generous to give us such a great life enhancer. I can't imagine my life without it.

in harm's way

I aspire to be like you
to have more of a heart like you do
But you have a love for me
that I cannot replicate.

I've tried and failed so often thus far
I wanted in this case to give it my all
but Lord, I've lost the strength that you possess
to love a friend enough to keep myself in harm's way.

'Undying love you've given to me
Seen in me things I would never have seen
I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery.
Time and time again I ask myself
What have I done to deserve such wealth?
The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity

In wanting to save me; in order to save the day;
because of love, you placed yourself in harm's way
It's truly beyond me... left without a word to say...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?

When I was down you came and lifted me
When I was bound, yes, you set me free
Things that you do make it clear to see it's all a master plan
Oh, no greater love that I've come to know
And when I refuse, you still love me so
With open arms you came and rescued me
And erased all the pain... all the pain

In wanting to save me; in order to save the day;
because of love, you placed yourself in harm's way
It's truly beyond me... left without a word to say...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?

What kind of love would place itself and risk your life for love's sake?
What kind of love just takes on all the blame?
(And) it seems to be so easy...
It hurts sometimes but you never let go
You will to love in spite of all you know...

What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?'

-Taken from In Harm's Way by BeBe Winans