confined

That feeling you get
when you're in a small space
and there's someone else
there with you.
Not a stranger,
but not really a friend,
just someone.
You don't want to stare.
You don't want to ignore.
You don't know what you should do.
You become conscious of the nothingness,
then you become conscious of everything else.
Air thickens between you
until relief comes rushing in
with the opening of the doors.

wise words

In the throws of deep conversation with a friend, he said something truly brilliant that I felt compelled to share.

"Don't create cliffs that aren't there,
lest you create bridges you don't need"
~Mark Hylton

overkill

I'm indecisive and I know it
Ask me a question and I'll show it...
make it heavy and emotional,
but where either choice may be rational
and then sit back and watch.

I'll give you the obvious answer,
the expected one that comes faster
and then I'll sit and deliberate
and realize my choice is changing fate
and all of a sudden it holds more weight.

Then I stop.

I take a step back and consider
the outcome of another answer
and more often times than not
I will give it way too much thought
and confuse my mind further.

Long after everyone else is done
considering, answering and moving on
I am still left pondering this and that
still going over all the facts
wondering which is best

Truthfully though
most times I know
But feel I could be missing out
if I always go with the expected route,
and so I ponder on.

resolved

I made a resolution
that I thought would be bold
but in actuality
would make me more cold.
Is this what I want,
to feel less and less?
would that make my life better,
would it give me less stress?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I need to find the balance
between my two extremes
of constantly swinging feelings,
each bursting at the seams.
They seem to be somehow
connected to you,
my internal eruptions
respond to what you do.
So since you seem to make
my feelings more intense,
the first thing I need to change
is this emotional dependence.

Still closed for repair

enough

Just when you need it,
someone says something
truly relevant.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

May you have just enough for 2008.

cycled

I get complacent
I relax too much
I let my wall crumble
I let thoughts enter
I forget myself
I act stupidly
I hit the bottom
I enlarge my regret
I get slapped into shape
I rebuild my wall
I harden it

closed for repair

a tainted heart
cannot celebrate
the dawn of a new year,
it can only eject it's filth
and work on it's healing.

crash

We are quick to judge people,
quick to tell them what they should do,
quick to think less of them when they don't...

and then something happens,
you make the same decision
for which you once chastised someone else
and you finally see them and you
for what you all are...
human.

down in my heart, where?

she's been moody lately.
no, not in a bad mood,
just more subdued than she is known for.

her bright smile was the norm
and annoyance the exception,
but more and more the table turned
annoyance her norm,
and her bright smile the exception.

she's been trying,
trying all year and more
to grasp the joy she used to have.
true joy,
not just a smile that fades in an instant,
the one that radiates from deep down,
shines through more than the mouth
radiates through the eyes...
but the more she searched herself
the more elusive her joy became,
and the more discouraged she got.

then she remembered
one important fact.

joy doesn't come from her,
so she could never find it there.
it comes from God.

the instant she remembered where to look
she found it.

kindred spirits

For whatever reason, there are some people in our life that, no matter what direction or path our lives take, we remain connected. Thank God for them!

De-boned chicken breast, $250
Fish chunks (with scales), $130
Enough seasoning to cry your eyes out, $100
An afternoon of cooking and chatting, Priceless