no more what?

drama.

this thing used to plague my life and I thought I hated every minute of it.

all this emotional upheaval and ongoing trials...

but without any of these I would not know the major successes;
the emotional extremes that are so much a part of who I am;
the relief and release of things working out... or not working out.

truth is
without drama
my life
would be
boring.

bring it on.

product of the unseen

Every little detail,
every decision made,
each and every minute choice,
forms a path in the sculpture's clay.
Every shiver of the hand,
every flick of the wrist,
each and every move that's made
results in a different kind of twist.

They can't be repeated,
duplication impossible,
the factors that led here...
re-occurrence improbable,
and every single wish to change
even a fraction of the tiniest moment
will result in a future
far different from the present.

Today is a product of all that has past,
and circumstance... this very instant...
lasts forever, though fades so fast.
Seconds of time tick steadily away
and good or bad, forgotten or remembered,
foolishly wasted or wisely used
they have all collectively
transformed into you.

perception obsolete

A victim of a mind trapped in a past time
having an expectation leading to frustration.
Outdated hidden images, a mind's rustic pages,
requires full updating; a different understanding.

Take the distance that you now see,
multiply it by a factor of three.
Redefine the words you used
to once describe the ones you choose
to keep in the space of your mind
and then, only then, will you find
that the disappointment you consistently suffer
will begin to lessen and be buffered
by the logic of change that is so constant
...constant!... and yet the mind is so scant
in its dose of this factor, it continues to hold
to a previous mold.

Force it to accept the inevitability,
and feed it with reality.

three sixty

It came full circle.

After all the up and down;
the violent and vigorous side to side;
the indecision, the bad decisions;
serenity & sinks; papers soaked in ink;
fists against walls; voices down halls;
frustration and jubilation
it all ends up right here...
right where it all began.

conflicts

There's a constant conflict
between that voice in my head
and my thoughts born out of
determination to ignore it.

'He drowns in his dreams,
An exquisite extreme I know.
He’s as damned as he seems,
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
my whole world could cave in.
It just ain’t right, Lord It just ain’t right...

He's magic and myth,
as strong as what I believe;
A tragedy with
more damage than a soul should see;
But do I try to change him?
It's so hard not to blame him...

Oh but I don’t know,
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful...
such a beautiful disaster,
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter,
Lord, would it be beautiful,
Or just a beautiful disaster?'

Taken from Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson

scale

It's amazing that you can go through so much upheaval on one hand,
and yet have so much to sm:)e about on the other.

fragile

The problem with a friendship built on fragile ground is that it is likely to crack under the weight of human emotion, causing the whole thing to collapse at any time.

'...you're my firm foundation. I know I can stand secure'

buried

You trick yourself into thinking
it will go away if you hide it
if only no one will bring it up,
it will cease to exist...
but you stand like an ostrich
with your head buried deep in dung
not realizing your dream of peace
will never be fulfilled...
for ‘he who hides the wrong he does,
does the wrong thing still’.

vomit

the involuntary rejection of unwanted matter;
the purging of that which does not belong;
the desire to drip every drop of darkness out
leaving pools of refuse on the floor

shrouded

When you live your life in a system created by the devil you will find it tainted with what we describe as human instinct. The ability to lie, cheat, steal, injure, kill and ultimately to hate is the balance that makes the coin exist. The inability to recognize this for what it is, is the trap that many of us fall into and are swallowed whole; the one thing that tips the balance in the wrong direction.