natural high!

Arriving at work feeling like it's going to be another dreary day and then receiving an unexpected bundle of love and appreciation from your mate in your mailbox.

shattered glasses

You know that person. The person who you think has not lived life enough, and so has high expectations of people and low pain tolerance, especially from pain (be it very small) inflicted by a friend. We look at that person and think 'how could you really believe that people are perfect and would never hurt you'. We expect them to adapt. And our expectation is correct.

But I am just now appreciating the depth of the pain that such a person feels the first time they are plunged into it. It has shattered a world they believed to be true. A world where genuinely pure people exist.

I can't remember my own shattered moment. I probably did not have one. It was probably a gradual shift. But we have all passed from believing in the pure goodness of people, to realizing that every single one of us is prone, and succumbs, to evil. It's the difference between the bright-eyed spirit of a child, and the worn-out spirit of an adult. And as hopeless as that sounds, another difference is that the adult can choose. Some people call it denial of the world around you. I call it survival of the world inside.

My child-like, bouncing spirit did not leave. It was tainted by the hurt and disappointment I felt while moving through this space. I can choose though, to let those go, offer and accept forgiveness where possible, and move on. The world will continue to be crap, but I can work at keeping the only part I can control clean... my inside.

gravity

The weight of this world is large. The physical struggles, the emotional depression... greed, corruption, violence, anger, frustration, this list goes on. Humans are corrupt and corruptible. Their actions are selfish. If we take it all in, it will consume us, and fill our spirit with weight, heavy as rocks, holding us close to the dirt.

Weight, gravity, is a characteristic of this Earth.

When the writers say that the goodness of God is not of this world, I believe it. It has the power to defy gravity and lift us out of the heavy dung-hill that we create... that holds us down. I must then tap into that goodness, and fight to not fall prey to the pulling effect of the world.

I should be fat

I love food. I realize I love it even more when I'm feeling down. Today was a down day. No good reason, just one of those times, one of those days. And all I craved was chicken wings and pasta. KFC, greasy, fried, crispy, chicken wings and pasta soaked in sauce, spicy, with layers of cheese. I suppose if I gave in to all the times I have wanted to satisfy my low with food, I probably would be fat. But a lack of access to what I crave means I won't satisfy them most of the time.

Added to that, some of my lows are followed by vigorous highs, which when channeled in the right direction, can be quite exerting. I suppose then that I would work off the fat I put on. Sounds like the right balance. I am, after all, a Libra.

book of you

I've realized it is possible to know someone for a very long time and still have so much more about yourself to share with them. Fresh moments are felt every second, increasing the density of life on our personal pages. It's an awesome feeling to open those dense pages, and let someone get deeper into the book of you.

always

where is my happy period?

gasp

water gulped into mouth
washing the face
filling the lungs
pulling down into the deep
drowning

cracked rear view

Hey little bro. I've been missing you recently. I still have your Hootie & the Blowfish CD that you loaned me ages ago. I listened to it tonight. And remembered you. Wish I could see your face. Hope you're in a better place.

Love you.
Your Aisharay

think straight

Simple communication. Clear thoughts. Taking each one at a time.

Life is complicated. But lines of expression can be made simple for the purpose of clear conversation.

I am driven a little insane by a mind that cannot keep a straight thought long enough to maintain a discussion on that point before moving on to the next. The jumbling and mixture of the thoughts leads to convoluted webs of mixed-up points, incorrect assumptions, misunderstanding, confusing answers, consistent defending, exhaustion, frustration, and an emptying of patience.

flatscreen of endless depth

I love to write.
I always have.
I clear my mind
and collect my thoughts
in little journals through life.

I still write.

This blog, my favourite.
This glass container of musing
This window into my mind
This platform for sharing some of my best posts.

Thanks, electronic screen and untouchable ink,
for the depth of thoughts you contain and protect.