shattered glasses

You know that person. The person who you think has not lived life enough, and so has high expectations of people and low pain tolerance, especially from pain (be it very small) inflicted by a friend. We look at that person and think 'how could you really believe that people are perfect and would never hurt you'. We expect them to adapt. And our expectation is correct.

But I am just now appreciating the depth of the pain that such a person feels the first time they are plunged into it. It has shattered a world they believed to be true. A world where genuinely pure people exist.

I can't remember my own shattered moment. I probably did not have one. It was probably a gradual shift. But we have all passed from believing in the pure goodness of people, to realizing that every single one of us is prone, and succumbs, to evil. It's the difference between the bright-eyed spirit of a child, and the worn-out spirit of an adult. And as hopeless as that sounds, another difference is that the adult can choose. Some people call it denial of the world around you. I call it survival of the world inside.

My child-like, bouncing spirit did not leave. It was tainted by the hurt and disappointment I felt while moving through this space. I can choose though, to let those go, offer and accept forgiveness where possible, and move on. The world will continue to be crap, but I can work at keeping the only part I can control clean... my inside.