growing to die

They say you start as a baby
and grow into an adult
with time and experience
on the journey of faith...
But I find I am running the race
in the wrong direction.

When I started, I trusted.
I trusted with my whole heart
and had the strongest of faith
in love, and life, and God, and hope
and with time and knowledge
and self-interests and arrogance
and disappointments and failures
and disconnected triumphs
and age and stage and fear
many of these
have diminished in their strength.

I am reminded of the God-inspired words
that encourage us to have faith
like the faith of a child.
Oh what great power we possessed
in our innocence and our youth.
It's like our spirit was the most alive
when it was devoid of earthly knowledge,
and the more we packed that knowledge in...
the knowledge of deceit and greed and lust
and flawed human logic and corruption
and cursing and death and hate...
was the more we killed our very selves.