I thought I saw you today
my heart flung from my chest and my focus did a double take
I had formed your face in my mind
... only in my mind
it was not you
it can never be you ever again
miss you mOo
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
high notes
weightless, yet bearing the heaviest weight... untouchable, yet touching universal hearts
There's nothing else I'm willing to try that gives me the same natural high of music. Powerful, yet not addictive. God is incredibly generous to give us such a great life enhancer. I can't imagine my life without it.
There's nothing else I'm willing to try that gives me the same natural high of music. Powerful, yet not addictive. God is incredibly generous to give us such a great life enhancer. I can't imagine my life without it.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
in harm's way
I aspire to be like you
to have more of a heart like you do
But you have a love for me
that I cannot replicate.
I've tried and failed so often thus far
I wanted in this case to give it my all
but Lord, I've lost the strength that you possess
to love a friend enough to keep myself in harm's way.
'Undying love you've given to me
Seen in me things I would never have seen
I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery.
Time and time again I ask myself
What have I done to deserve such wealth?
The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity
In wanting to save me; in order to save the day;
because of love, you placed yourself in harm's way
It's truly beyond me... left without a word to say...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?
When I was down you came and lifted me
When I was bound, yes, you set me free
Things that you do make it clear to see it's all a master plan
Oh, no greater love that I've come to know
And when I refuse, you still love me so
With open arms you came and rescued me
And erased all the pain... all the pain
In wanting to save me; in order to save the day;
because of love, you placed yourself in harm's way
It's truly beyond me... left without a word to say...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?
What kind of love would place itself and risk your life for love's sake?
What kind of love just takes on all the blame?
(And) it seems to be so easy...
It hurts sometimes but you never let go
You will to love in spite of all you know...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?'
-Taken from In Harm's Way by BeBe Winans
to have more of a heart like you do
But you have a love for me
that I cannot replicate.
I've tried and failed so often thus far
I wanted in this case to give it my all
but Lord, I've lost the strength that you possess
to love a friend enough to keep myself in harm's way.
'Undying love you've given to me
Seen in me things I would never have seen
I don't understand why you care so much, it's all a mystery.
Time and time again I ask myself
What have I done to deserve such wealth?
The price you paid, I could never repay your generosity
In wanting to save me; in order to save the day;
because of love, you placed yourself in harm's way
It's truly beyond me... left without a word to say...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?
When I was down you came and lifted me
When I was bound, yes, you set me free
Things that you do make it clear to see it's all a master plan
Oh, no greater love that I've come to know
And when I refuse, you still love me so
With open arms you came and rescued me
And erased all the pain... all the pain
In wanting to save me; in order to save the day;
because of love, you placed yourself in harm's way
It's truly beyond me... left without a word to say...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?
What kind of love would place itself and risk your life for love's sake?
What kind of love just takes on all the blame?
(And) it seems to be so easy...
It hurts sometimes but you never let go
You will to love in spite of all you know...
What kind of love would place itself in harm's way?'
-Taken from In Harm's Way by BeBe Winans
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
yo-yo
One minute:
coiled in a hand
wrinkles of laughter
lines of emotion
words of explanation
tranquility of silence
close Next minute:
spinning in the air
wrinkles of confusion
lines of emotion
weight of nothingness
tense silence
distant
wrinkles of laughter
lines of emotion
words of explanation
tranquility of silence
close
wrinkles of confusion
lines of emotion
weight of nothingness
tense silence
distant
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
the friend ship
That friend you have, that you hold so dear
how did the two of you arrive there?
Who was the first friend to whom?
-'First friend to whom' you ask?
-We were both first. It was a joint task.
But I bet if you think about it, that may not be true.
You see, you make friends by being a friend
and, before you both were friends in the end,
it's probably true, that someone was first friend to you.
If that be the case then why do you say
'I will not be friends to you this way
because you are not friend to me.'?
when, if you check the beginning you will see
that friendship stems from one loving unconditionally
and not a give to receive deal or no deal.
So, if you have someone you wish to befriend
don't let the behaviour of them on their end
stop you from being the type of friend you would defend.
how did the two of you arrive there?
Who was the first friend to whom?
-'First friend to whom' you ask?
-We were both first. It was a joint task.
But I bet if you think about it, that may not be true.
You see, you make friends by being a friend
and, before you both were friends in the end,
it's probably true, that someone was first friend to you.
If that be the case then why do you say
'I will not be friends to you this way
because you are not friend to me.'?
when, if you check the beginning you will see
that friendship stems from one loving unconditionally
and not a give to receive deal or no deal.
So, if you have someone you wish to befriend
don't let the behaviour of them on their end
stop you from being the type of friend you would defend.
grasping feelings
The truth. The whole truth. The entire story.
Not just YOUR whole truth. THE whole truth. The bigger picture. The parts you did not even know you did not know. The details you did not request, and possibly, none of the details you want. The parts that maybe do not even include you, that dwarf you. Entire connections from before the beginning, revealed and released, can melt a mountain of rock hard feelings into a pool of understanding. Real understanding. Clear connections of all the dots, not clouded by your judgment cast on the players, but a grasp of the reality that everything stems from something else and no one person holds all blame.
No one person holds all blame. Which means there is no one to blame. No one left to throw all your anger and pain towards. No one left to help you get rid of it but you. Truth comes with consequences, and those consequences lie squarely on your shoulders when you realize you have to deal with your own feelings and stop shelving them on someone else, stop casting blame for the way you feel away from you, instead of directed at you. Consequences that leave you face to face with understanding how your feelings came about, and God forbid, showing compassion to the very persons who before you held accountable for those feelings. Why? Because all the time the story is larger than what you can see. Because you play a role, no matter how in/significant you believe it to be. Because holding hard feelings only makes you heavy, and throwing hard feelings only makes you weak, and because the only way to really rid yourself of them is to break them into smaller, softer pieces and wrap them in understanding the truth. The whole truth. The entire story. The larger picture.
Not just YOUR whole truth. THE whole truth. The bigger picture. The parts you did not even know you did not know. The details you did not request, and possibly, none of the details you want. The parts that maybe do not even include you, that dwarf you. Entire connections from before the beginning, revealed and released, can melt a mountain of rock hard feelings into a pool of understanding. Real understanding. Clear connections of all the dots, not clouded by your judgment cast on the players, but a grasp of the reality that everything stems from something else and no one person holds all blame.
No one person holds all blame. Which means there is no one to blame. No one left to throw all your anger and pain towards. No one left to help you get rid of it but you. Truth comes with consequences, and those consequences lie squarely on your shoulders when you realize you have to deal with your own feelings and stop shelving them on someone else, stop casting blame for the way you feel away from you, instead of directed at you. Consequences that leave you face to face with understanding how your feelings came about, and God forbid, showing compassion to the very persons who before you held accountable for those feelings. Why? Because all the time the story is larger than what you can see. Because you play a role, no matter how in/significant you believe it to be. Because holding hard feelings only makes you heavy, and throwing hard feelings only makes you weak, and because the only way to really rid yourself of them is to break them into smaller, softer pieces and wrap them in understanding the truth. The whole truth. The entire story. The larger picture.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
painful
stand up, sit down, lie down, curl up
no relief
spit it up, gargle it, drink it down
no relief
right side, left side, tummy, back
no relief
crying makes it worse
talking makes it worse
swallowing makes it worse
unconsciousness is my only reprieve
hospital visit pending
no relief
spit it up, gargle it, drink it down
no relief
right side, left side, tummy, back
no relief
crying makes it worse
talking makes it worse
swallowing makes it worse
unconsciousness is my only reprieve
hospital visit pending
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
intimate
arms around bodies
sweet embraces
pull lifetimes of concerns
far from the mind
with each long hold
heads nest in necks
feelings of soft skin
breath
reminders of life
fragile and delicate
fingers interlocked
joint hands understand
lean into each other
for inside support
legs twined together
wrapped journeys
of great distance
covered with comfort
and careful responsibility
of accompanied steps
toes deeply press
battered and beaten
carry weight
back and forth
as light and heavy dances
lips express
wordless motions
silent peace
sincere pain
subdued passions
intense appreciation
honest communication
sweet embraces
pull lifetimes of concerns
far from the mind
with each long hold
heads nest in necks
feelings of soft skin
breath
reminders of life
fragile and delicate
fingers interlocked
joint hands understand
lean into each other
for inside support
legs twined together
wrapped journeys
of great distance
covered with comfort
and careful responsibility
of accompanied steps
toes deeply press
battered and beaten
carry weight
back and forth
as light and heavy dances
lips express
wordless motions
silent peace
sincere pain
subdued passions
intense appreciation
honest communication
dark volcano
There are times when I hate my own thoughts and feelings; times when I feel like I've betrayed myself by expressing them; times when I care deeply about what they may imply; and times when I couldn't care less.
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