always

where is my happy period?

gasp

water gulped into mouth
washing the face
filling the lungs
pulling down into the deep
drowning

cracked rear view

Hey little bro. I've been missing you recently. I still have your Hootie & the Blowfish CD that you loaned me ages ago. I listened to it tonight. And remembered you. Wish I could see your face. Hope you're in a better place.

Love you.
Your Aisharay

think straight

Simple communication. Clear thoughts. Taking each one at a time.

Life is complicated. But lines of expression can be made simple for the purpose of clear conversation.

I am driven a little insane by a mind that cannot keep a straight thought long enough to maintain a discussion on that point before moving on to the next. The jumbling and mixture of the thoughts leads to convoluted webs of mixed-up points, incorrect assumptions, misunderstanding, confusing answers, consistent defending, exhaustion, frustration, and an emptying of patience.

flatscreen of endless depth

I love to write.
I always have.
I clear my mind
and collect my thoughts
in little journals through life.

I still write.

This blog, my favourite.
This glass container of musing
This window into my mind
This platform for sharing some of my best posts.

Thanks, electronic screen and untouchable ink,
for the depth of thoughts you contain and protect.

the reset button

Ever felt like you want to start over?
No, not forget everything, not forget anything.
Just start again...

Not between me and you. Not you and others.
Not you and your family... everyone.
Everyone you've resented; everyone who's hurt you;
everyone who has added turmoil to your life;
everyone that has helped to create that darkness inside;
everyone and everything.
Just start again...lighten your load,
get the freedom of heart you felt as a child,
when life was nothing but hopeful.
Not take away your future pain,
nor take away your current struggles,
just remove the heaviness that's already there...

ever felt that way?

I did... once.

My pain may not be yours or even equal to yours,

my burdens may not have been as heavy,
or maybe were, and more so...
The joy you saw in me when you met me
is a product of the transformation I went through,
and the lack of joy you may see in me now
is the result of years of complacency,
forgetting what was done for me, and letting it pile up again.
But if you want it... that light feeling of burdens lifted
that cause people to burst into tears from the freedom of it all,
If you want it, it will require something from you.

Faith.

Faith in love, and the ultimate source of love.
Faith in a love that makes absolutely no sense,
that I cannot explain or even attempt to explain.
A love that goes deeper than we can imagine,
deeper than we have for our family or friends,
who may hurt us, but who we cannot help but love.
Faith in that love manifested,
that enables us to love like we have been loved:
unconditionally, unexploited, unselfishly, uncontrollably.

It's yours
if you want it.

'If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.'
John 8:36

safe keeping

My emotions, once raw and warm on my sleeve seem now buried deep inside the thick jacket of protection. I feel like I myself cannot reach them when I need them, leaving only the cold air pocket where they once sat on my sleeve.

stifled

Today is one of those days when I believe I was made for greater things than these walls.

A new world awaits.

strength & darkness

Don't expect great relationships from trying to avoid bad times, expect great relationships from surviving through them.

too much for me

too many files
too many incidents
too many emails
too many folders
too many meetings
too many requests
too many tasks
too little time

too many arguments
too many insecurities
too many sighs
too many flags
too many apologies
too many tears
too many misgivings
too little smiles

too many mishaps
too many calls
too many tickets
too many clients
too many places
too many stops
too many tantrums
too little patience

too many late nights
too many meetings
too many headaches
too many missed meals
too many misunderstandings
too many quarrels
too many pressures
too little fun

too little sleep
too little exercise
too little confidence
too little recreation
too little reassurance
too little bonding
too little ministry
too many negative thoughts