hindsight

soaring along, content, excited, motivated, anticipating. you pass through a cloud, but keep on soaring, a little wet, but content just the same.

but something's wrong. it's too good to be true. you remember. you can't fly.

with that, you start to fall. frantically, you reach for anything you can to break the fall. there's something gliding. you're not sure what, but it's in control, and you're not, so you grab it. It pulls you along. you feel relieved. saved.

you're not going in the direction you wanted, but you're going somewhere, and it's not straight down. that's great in itself.

you see the place where your feet can finally touch the ground. you're not quite there yet, but you're very close. then something hits you. you remember something else. in that decisive, frantic moment you had completely forgotten that strapped to your back was a parachute.

relativity

The gymnast, the diver, the dancer, the player, the loner, the writer, the talker, the listener, the leader, the comic

~~~~

one experiences antisocial, withdrawn, concealed, introverted, blocked

one knows leadership, dominance, dedication, energy, high-spirits, responsibility

one hears talkative, jocular, sarcastic, witty, insulting, jovial, raucous

one knows silent, attentive, absorbed, serious, argumentative, opinionated, defensive

one sees artistic, expressive, theatrical, passionate, musical, flexible, athletic, strong, synchronous, content

one knows calm, insecurity, tears, anger, devotion, forgiveness, renewal, solemnity

one experiences dependence, dedication, trust, communication, responsibility, openness, composure

one knows them all

which one are you?

reunion

Flying for miles.
Gathered, in part.
No longer whole.
Some in spirit only.
Familiarity runs
through all faces.
One purpose,
to say goodbye to those
who started it all.

cutting away at the sides

Grandad's death brought the total to two in two days. A close family friend went earlier.

An aunt, having exceedingly powerful and shocking intuition, felt something coming. She had been dreaming her deceased brothers, mother, and sister all week. As odd as it sounds, there was relief that the death she sensed was somewhat expected.

Then the news: grandaunt died this morning. Aunt Pearl. Mom's aunt.

Should have known better. The dreams contained Watsons and Kellys. Mom's side. Grandad is Lovindeer. Dad's dad.

If deaths come in the threes, can I finally bury my fear of another phone call? Don’t know if I can take much more of this.

grand-orphaned

Kenneth Lovindeer Sr.

July 3, 1921 - January 9, 2006

re: aching inside

Inside is filled with many pieces.
Some fit well together,
some do not fit well with the others at all.
All are important, though sadly, not equally so.

However the absence of just one, any one,
causes a pain not quenched by any other.
The space left is unique to the one that holds it,
and only that one can fill it.

notyaboo

You are not my sugar,
ackee in my saltfish,
curry in my chicken,
or beef in my patty.

The significance of you
in my life is small,
and in most instances
does not exist at all.

So don’t call me sweetheart,
Sugar plum, darling, deary,
Ma, boo, honey, princess, or babe.

You don’t get my kisses,
Won’t have me as your Mrs.
My eyes are not your haven,
You do not own this raeven.

So next time you wish
to have my attention,
please keep your greeting plain
and simply just use my name.

breaking the habit

There’s a rhythm inside me,
a clock whose haywire pace is set,
the ticking of which spurs my movements
to fall back in step with old, routine ways.

The pace is hard to change,
but change I must.

anorexic

…Choosing to survive rather than to live.

The body is capable of life on the minimum, but it is incomprehensible why someone would deny a healthy life of meat, flesh and muscle and instead embrace life resembling death: skin stretched tight over nothing but bone.

I call it relationship anorexia: a marriage, family, friendship capable of survival on the bare minimum, and at least one involved party lacking the effort to make it fly. It instead crawls along close to death, surviving rather than thriving.

A life of good health is a choice that most are willing to make. But what good is it to have a healthy life and then starve the interactions that make that life worthwhile.

shattered

vague information.
selfish protection of self
deceivingly masked as
selfless protection of 'you'.

‘none of your business’.
‘who are you to ask?’
‘you won't understand’
‘some things are better left unsaid.’

finally an answer.
a volcano of a statement,
guilt and truth erupted,
dark dishonest burns

trust: a freedom lost
for many, for all, with one.
only one exception – own instinct.
a high price paid.

An honest and open friend
is the only friend worth having,
worth keeping.